These are the annoying announcements that ‘welcome’ you back to your own country. As if the audacity of this wasn’t enough, some airlines will freely dispense ‘welcomes’ to somebody else’s country as well. Presumably on behalf of someone in the other country who has provided dispensation to do this. I wonder who hands out these dispensations? Do they get traded between airlines? Is there some kind of market in them? The ‘welcome’ is often delivered in breathlessly enthusiastic tones on behalf of the ‘entire’ crew. As if there was some confirmation needed to show that all of the crew, that means absolutely all of them, are joining together in the collective ‘welcome’. Does this mean that on some flights there are members of the ‘entire’ crew who do not ‘welcome’ you home? Are there some miserable killjoys out there, languishing in the shadows of the galley and the emergency exit rows, who refuse to join in the collective welcoming to someone else’s country? Somehow I cannot imagine these recluses being the young and fashionable ones. The Mikaels or the Carlottas. No, they’ll definitely be the Brians and the Janes of the crew training academy. And by the way, while I’m at it, I’m not an idiot. I do know that the UK is an hour behind the rest of Europe. Are there really people out there who if not reminded would actually commit the chronometric equivalent of driving on the wrong side of the road? Ah … I was getting ahead of myself again … there are Americans.